We live in a dangerous age. It is futile to believe that you can survive unscathed in this contaminated planet without facing the wrath of the decaying atoms. But if you let us help you (of course, in exchange of a small, paltry fee), we shall provide you with a safe place to reside until the radiations have dissipated to an acceptable level, and we GUARANTEE you, that you won't mutate. Well, not more than you already have, at least.
However, since we are wary of mutants infiltrating our area (for understandable reasons, I am sure), please undergo the following series of tests, for the safety and well-being of everyone within our caring hands.
PS; On entrance, please enlighten us as to whether World War 3 is over yet.
PPS; Also, when you arrive, please bring muffins with you, we don't have a Tim Hortons yet. (MMMMmmmmm!! muffins....)